It’s Easter! Meh. Seems I’m repeating this again: sorry it’s been a minute since my last confession.
Since my last update, I am still doing just fine. I really am fine, mom. Really, really.
Ultimately I think I can say, definitively, that I have found a medication regimen that works for me. I mean, in the past I’ve felt great for like a month max and then it was back into the doldrums of depression or mania (usually off the charts).
As most people with bipolar know: the mania can also be a great source of motivation, creativity and laughter (and how I can laugh and laugh irl too!). Yeah, I miss that too. I miss the motivation and the capacity to work a gazillion times faster than on a regular normal’s, day. And if I have played my cards right, it is usually good work when evaluated retrospectively. So yes, I too miss that.
What I DO NOT miss is being a total mess. I mean mess that can’t be unmessed. That mess when you look back and are like: what the fuck was that, James?! I do not miss that guilt, that angst of reconnecting with people that survived the tornado I had been for a few weeks. I hate that. I hated that “so…. I know I said some things, and probably did some things…”. Those were the worst.
Anyway, tl;dr I’m good!
As for meds? I must admit I was a little concerned at the number of pills I’d have to chug down twice a day. Fellow bipolar-bear: just fucking do it. Take your pills, and if at first you don’t succeed: try, try again.
Thanks for reading.
James, out.
[There was some interest in what meds I’m on: Valproate (Depakote) 2000mg, lamotrigine (Epilim) 300mg, Quetiapine (Seroquel) 200mg IR, Bupropion XL (Wellbutrin) 300mg, and Alprazolam (Xanor/Xanax) 2mg prn. So, basically a light meal twice a day.]
