A classic bipolar symptom: irritability. Or is it?
The muggles are already at, “blah, blah, blah… we all get irritated” and that’s irritating AF. It you just took the time to READ up, just a little, about what irritability is to bipolar bears and the consequences then maybe you’ll get. what. a. fucking. big. deal. it. is. Fuck sakes.
You see, already irritated. I should probably stop writing right now and go for a walk before I have a coronary. But, instead I shall soldier on through this hell and finish writing this post so the muggles geddit.
Now remember this is my blog so much of what’s to come is personal and certainly doesn’t apply to every bipolar person on the planet. We’re diverse like that.
Ingredients
Thing is this: irritation is not in and of itself a symptom of bipolar because, on the real, everyone gets irritated. Instead bipolar irritability is the result other classic symptoms of bipolar: grandiosity, rapid thinking and its friend a flight of ideas and, finally, risky behaviors. Let’s deal with each of these one at a time.
Rapid Thinking and Flight of Ideas
Racing thoughts are more than just thinking fast. The rapid succession of thoughts of the bipolar mind is quite beautiful to watch.
Remember Chesterfield cigarettes? The packaging had that boat with wooden panels propelling it. Much like a water pump creates a vortex that propels water to the top of a pipe. The propeller is going so fast that air from above is drawn into it’s vortex and the propeller actually misses a beat to propel water through the pipe. Imagine doing freestyle swimming so quickly you’re pushing less dense air rather than water on your backward thrust.
Have a look at the previous paragraph. Rapid thinking at its best: We started at cigarettes. Then it was a boat. Then it was a water pump. Then it was swimming.
Add a flight of ideas and you’ve set a narrative of bipolar chaos. The flight of ideas accompanies rapid thinking and speech but they are so vast, so disconnected, so incoherent that to the observer the ideas are illogical or the observer dismisses bipolar bear as a tik-kop (Cape Afrikaans slang: for meth head).
To bipolar bear though the thoughts are crystal clear. In fact they are so clear that anyone who challenges the grand scheme is a sell out, a non-believer, a jealous conspirator trying to cut bipolar bear at the knees.
[The flight of ideas can, at it’s most severe, translate into disjuncture in speech and could ultimately affect one’s ability to be a member of society.]
Enter, grandiosity.
Grandiosity
At it’s early stages grandiosity can work to bipolar bear’s advantage. Suddenly they’re keen to make calls, order pizza over the phone, visit places they’ve never been to before, go on dates that they would otherwise have missed because of a poor self-esteem.
And then it hits. You’re a pompous asshole.
Before long you’re feeling invincible, so important that anyone who challenges your opinion doesn’t deserve the courtesy of a response. Often confused with narcissism, grandiosity is fleeting, it comes and goes and doesn’t have the manipulation that accompanies narcissism.
Invincible, cleverer than the cleverist cat, the grandiose bipolar bear latches on to the crystal clear thoughts from earlier. When I say latched, I mean like a clam. There is no stopping the bipolar bear from achieving this end. No matter the challenge the grandiose bipolar bear sees no task as a challenge. Google that shit. If they can do it in their kitchen, you can do it in your underpants on the balcony.
Risky Behaviour
Time is always short though. Resources are always limited. Desperate times call for desperate measures. The time has come to call in the cavalry: there is nothing that money cannot buy and no place that is off limits.
Bipolar bear quickly whips out their Mastercard and spends R4 000 on a iMac soldiering kit. And while browsing signed up for contact training in India to apply said kit. Be very aware of the spending spree of bipolar bear. In just a few months it could cripple even the most robust of relationships.
Nexus
I hate that word. Nexus. What the eff is it even. In this instance let’s take it to mean the meeting of three rivers in a delta that is capable of both nourishing the earth and causing total destruction. A bit like the Nile.
With each rainfall upstream barriers and resistance from the riverbank prevent bipolar bear from achieving the goal. Most often the resistance should have been expected – every river has bends and gradient. Bipolar bear will have none of it.
Irritation
And the irritation starts.
Again, it’s like most symptoms of biploar – it creeps up on you like a mist in the night. To start bipolar bear is tapping his foot, his mind still obsessed with the end goal from the earlier rapid brain storm.
Before long bipolar bear takes a walk to ‘gather themselves’. The walk is determined. It has an agenda.
Aggression
It’s not a walk at all. It’s a march of resentment.
Unchecked, bipolar bear has spiraled into the mess that is conspiracy, rejection and resentment. The questions come thick and fast: “How can they not see the benefits?!”. “This is phenomenal idea, it was mine, they’re chastising me for being young / blond / white / English / HIV+ / … / … / …”. “Well fuck them and the hole they came out of”.
The river has burst it’s banks and floods a nation.
Result
I stress: unchecked, bipolar bear will see red. That red often translates into confrontation. Sometimes that confrontation is passive aggressive, sometimes it’s cynical, often it’s unadulterated rage that knows no boundaries.
It’s emails at 3AM (bipolar bear doesn’t sleep, remember?). It’s 4.5k petitions against animal cruelty sent to the printers. It’s a bulk SMS to one’s whole phonebook looking for kick-starter funding.
None of those lends to a healthy relationship with anyone. Ever. Bipolar bear instead crashes into bed for days, friendless, alone, and self-loathing at their failed project.
[Needs editing]
